Stake Kowidge, Pennsavania

Here's my End of the Line column for the May State College Magazine:

What's the biggest pencil in the world? PENNSYLVANIA!! Pencil-vania! Get it? You don't? Well, trust me on this: you got it when you were nine. In fact, if you were me (which I'm pretty sure you weren't) you thought that was maybe the funniest joke in the world. Except for that one where the kid says, "You sure don't sweat much for a fat girl." Now that was funny! That was the height of sophisticated humor! That was... wait. Where was I going with this? Oh right. Pennsylvania. The name of our state. It's pronounced Pencil-vania.

So why does Governor Rendell pronounce it Pennsavania? It's not a regionalism either. Governor Rendell is from Philadelphia. (By the way, have you ever noticed how much he sounds like Ernest Borgnine? I can't hear him speak without the old McHale's Navy theme playing in the background.) Governor Tom Ridge used to say Pennsavania too, and he's from Erie. As a radio news anchor, I hear the speech of a great many of our Keystone State politicians, and a whole raft of them pronounce the name of the state as if it had no 'L' in it. It seems to me that the least our elected leaders could do is learn to pronounce the name of the state in which they were elected. And that goes for those who aspire to become our elected leaders as well.

So as a public service, I have done exhaustive research in an effort to discover how the current crop of incumbents and the hopefuls who would like to replace them pronounce Pennsylvania. Or rather, I would have done extensive research had I not almost completely lost interest in the subject after having made just two phone calls. Also, there was the very real danger that if I did the work necessary to produce a well-researched piece, I might be asked to do it again someday.

One call was to the office of state Senator Jake Corman. There, an aide assured me that Senator Corman always says "Pennsylvania." Of course, once I explained my question, she could have astutely assessed the situation and claimed that he used the correct pronunciation, and then deftly slipped him a note cautioning him that in future dealings with the press, he'd better be careful how he said it. Aides have to think on their feet, you know.

And then I spoke with Centre County Commissioner Scott Conklin, who would like to be the Democratic nominee for the 77th District House seat that Lynn Herman will be vacating at the end of the current term. Actually, when he saw my number pop up on his cell phone, and after having been tipped off by Mrs. Conklin as to what I was after, he answered by saying, “Hello, this is Scott Conklin, running for Representative of the 77th District of PENN - SYLLLLVANIA..." And when I told him who was calling, he said, "Gosh, Steve, I had NO IDEA that was you.”

But I've known Scott for a long time and I know he really does pronounce it correctly. We had a nice conversation during which he started to tell me about the long weekend of committee meetings in Harrisburg from which he was returning. So being the instinctive news gatherer that I am, I immediately pretended that I was losing the cell phone connection and hung up. Jeez, who wants to hear about that stuff?

And it was at that point that I came to the firm decision that if you are interested in how our politicians pronounce Pennsylvania, you can listen to them and find out. If you do, write and let me know, okay?

While we're on the subject, sort of, have you ever noticed that Pennsylvania isn't the only word that Pennsylvanians omit the 'L' from? There are a good many folks... most of whom, I think, live in the rural areas surrounding Happy Valley, who pronounce the name of this borough as if it were spelled "Stake Kowidge." I think maybe I'll do a bit of studying on this... make some phone calls, and write a well-researched... HA! Only kidding.